"Why couldn’t it be me?" — Rust actor Alec Baldwin's wife opens up about his struggle with PTSD and the guilt of a survivor
In the debut episode of TLC's reality show The Baldwins, Rust actor Alec Baldwin provides a candid and intimate look into his psychological and emotional makeup after the 2021 tragedy on the set of the film.
The show, which premiered on February 23, 2025, is meant to document the day-to-day shenanigans and joys of Baldwin's family life with wife Hilaria and their seven children. However, the first episode quickly shifts focus from family antics to the lingering impact of a tragic incident that has shaped the actor’s life in recent years.
The reality show tries to walk a line between humor and hard-hitting issues, and nowhere is that clearer than in its open discussion of Baldwin's post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and his continual struggle with guilt.
Against the backdrop of an unresolved legal case and nationwide public criticism, Baldwin opens up about the effect the accident has had on his mental well-being, marriage, and fatherhood.
In one of the scenes of the episode, Hilaria Baldwin talks about how the accident on the Rust set has affected her husband.
According to Hilaria, Alec, in his darkest moments, is heard saying, "If an accident had to have happened on this day, why am I still here? Why couldn’t it be me?"
How Alec Baldwin struggled with PTSD after the Rust movie tragedy, details explored
In the episode, Hilaria Baldwin openly talks about the mental shifts she's noticed in her husband. She explains how Alec has been diagnosed with PTSD and is dealing with survivor's guilt ever since the deadly shooting on the set of Rust.
She also points out that those who know him have observed his mental state decline over the years and that the burden of the tragedy has nearly been too much to bear for the family.
In a poignant moment of the premiere, Hilaria mentions that often in the morning, the actor questions why he had to wake up, saying it is very "dark" and "painful." Baldwin himself speaks about it, disclosing that he usually feels better sleeping than he does awake.
"My good friend said to me the other day, he said, 'How are you doing?' and I said, 'I'm happier when I'm asleep than when I'm awake.'" the actor recalls.
The episode also finds Baldwin attributing his family, especially his children, with keeping him grounded throughout the ordeal.
According to the actor, having a large family has helped sustain him through the darkest moments, offering purpose during a time of overwhelming grief and public scrutiny.
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What is the Rust tragedy about?
The tragedy in question occurred on October 21, 2021, during the filming of the Western movie Rust at Bonanza Creek Ranch in New Mexico. Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was killed and director Joel Souza was wounded when a live round was mistakenly fired from a revolver Baldwin was using as a prop during rehearsals.
The accident stunned the industry and prompted several investigations, including those by the Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office, federal officials, and state safety regulators. After the accident, a complex legal odyssey ensued. Baldwin and armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed had both been charged with involuntary manslaughter early in 2023.
Though Alec Baldwin's charges were dismissed, they were later reinstated in January 2024. His trial started in July 2024 but was eventually terminated days later for prosecutorial misconduct, where evidence had been withheld. Gutierrez-Reed, on the other hand, was found guilty and sentenced to serve 18 months in prison.
The aftermath of the shooting on the set of Rust also sparked conversations regarding set safety, the use of real guns during film shoots, and wider labor conditions issues within the entertainment sector.
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What is the movie Rust about?
Rust is a Western thriller film directed by Joel Souza and written in collaboration with Alec Baldwin. The film tracks the veteran outlaw Harland Rust, played by Baldwin, as he emerges from retirement to save his grandson, Lucas Hollister (played by Patrick Scott McDermott), from a death sentence following a fatal accident.
Set in 1880s Kansas, the action tracks the two as they go on the run from the law, led by a dogged bounty hunter.
The movie, conceived as a passion project with a relatively low budget of about $6 million, was overshadowed by the tragedy that occurred on set.
Despite the dire context in which it was produced, Rust finished filming and opened at the Camerimage film festival in Poland in November 2024. It is set to have a theatrical release on May 2, 2025.
